Un Peu de Moi, encore

Pois então! Dentro de 1 mês entrarei em férias prolongadas! Pois é, estresse não faz bem, dá gastrite e queda de cabelos. Então resolvi me dar uma chance de fazer as coisas direito, já que nada estava saindo direito. Pelo meu bem. Pelo bem do meu trabalho. Pelo bem dos meus estudos.

Minhas férias terão a duração de algo em torno de 9 meses - não, eu não estou grávida, mas o que vai sair desses 9 meses vai ser praticamente um filho - e preciso ter em mente o que vai ser feito dos meus inúmeros projetos na gaveta.

Coisas que quero fazer a partir de maio:

1. Terminar a dissertação e arrancar sorrisos do orientador. (prioridade 0)
2. Ler mais livros. (O ônibus é o meu maior aliado)
3. Dormir as 8 horas necessárias por dia.
4. Projeto Auto-Estima em Alta 2008 (Mais magra, mais bonita! Programas de ciclismo, musculação e boxe, 7 vezes por semana. Programa de reeducação alimentar acompanhado por nutricionista. Programa de embelezamento acompanhado por esteticistas altamente treinadas.)
5. Estudar fotografia. (Sony DSC-H2, aí vou eu!)
6. Retomar os seriados esquecidos.
7. Assistir mais filmes.
8. Estudar tecnologias que eu quero estudar.
9. Andar mais de tênis e perder os calinhos que tenho no pé por causa dos killer shoes.
10. Ir nos médicos que tenho que ir.
11. Passar mais tempo com amigos e família.
12. Fazer mais tricô e quem sabe tirar um dinheirinho com isso.
13. Aprender outras atividades manuais. (Crochê? Costura? Bijouteria?)
14. Estudar mandarim com o Júnior. ("Você namorlrlada Júlrlio, né?")
15. Tentar estudar francês sozinha.
16. Arrumar meu armário e tirar as coisas que eu não uso mais.
17. Arrumar todos os mp3 que eu tenho (algo em torno de 30GB )
18. Arrumar todos os seriados que quero guardar.
19. Manter esta lista atualizada.

Today I had a conversation with somebody that was on the other side. And it felt really good, because he was one of the few people that understood what I’m through at this moment. I felt lucky to have someone that understand what’s happening and it’s on the other side. I felt really glad when he said that if I quit, he’ll be very happy for me. I felt relieved, because one point that was making me doubtful about my decision was his project.

Last week I saw myself alone because all I needed was some support, not many people saying what is good or bad to me and don’t know how I am and don’t make the effort to ask. There’s a sentence in Portuguese that says: "Se conselho fosse bom, não era de graça" (If advice was something good, it wasn’t free). I don’t need advices, the decision is made, I just need support and courage to take the first steps. It’ll be a risky way that I’m gonna take, and the fear of doing the wrong things is huge.

But I feel the lucky to have some people that care about what I’m through… Thanks Rafael (I never thought that you’d be someone that I could count on, so the title of this post is for you), Michel, Thiago, Mairo, Júlio, Lu and Júnior. You’re the best.

That from the exact moment that I decide to quit, the employment processes that I’m participating will wake up from their hibernation and start calling me… -_-’

 Why it has to be that way?

Last Wednesday I had such a panic attack because of the pressure at work, pressure at college and pressure by myself. My health had already presented some symptoms in a near past, but I hadn’t given attention to that. So, last Wednesday, my emotional side collapsed.

My health isn’t that good, too. Since last Saturday, I’ve been a little dizzy for some short times. It remembers me when I was finishing my undergrad course, and I had the final project to do. I presented periods of a very hard migraine and dizzyness.

I’m still depressed, without strength to do anything. My desire is to hide somewhere so no one can find me. And sometimes I feel I’m all alone…

I hope that I get better, weekend is here for me to take care of myself, have a good rest, and maybe put my mind in its right place.

I wish I could have some help. Some useful help. But I don’t know whom to report.  

Jump (Simple Plan) 

I don’t wanna wake up today
Cuz every day’s the same
And I’ve been waiting so long
For things to change

I just wanna jump (jump)
Don’t wanna think about tomorrow (jump)
I just don’t care tonight
I just wanna jump (jump)
Don’t wanna think about my sorrow
Let’s go whoa
Forget your problems
I just let them go whoa
Forget tomorrow
I just wanna jump (jump)
I just wanna jump (jump)
Yeah
I just wanna jump (jump)
I just wanna jump

 If there’s any chance to run away, I’ll get it. For my own health.

• Proud of my babe I am. And who couldn’t be? I’m very happy for all his achievements.
• New job or the "F"-button? We’ll see.
• Tired, tired, I am so fracking tired… -_-
• Feeling lighter. Don’t know if I already started to lose weight.
• Need to work… No concentration…
• Cangaroos? Beaches? Maybe!  

I was thinking about writing some diaries about my new diet, but concluded that it would be very boring for the ones who are reading this.

So, I decided to invest some money and went to a nutricionist that Ogro has indicated. She’s very kind, too much sometimes, and she gave me not exactly a diet, but she’s working on my feeding reeducation. The diet is very easy to follow, everything that I’ve already been eating, but in more or less portions.

She gave me, too, some florals, so I could get less anxious. I started having it yesterday, and I didn’t notice any effect yet, but I’m hoping it works.

It’s the fourth day and I’m happy and satisfied.

Michel told me today that maybe he would work in BSB or maybe in CTB. The first thought I had was "Great! Go there! Take some experience for your life", but after a few minutes, my heart just started aching and missing him even before he decided something. Stay away from him, keep the fidelity, not be jealous, get used with the fact that I won’t have him around anymore, so I can go and lay my head in his chest to hear his heartbeating and feel comfortable and calm… No, he will be a bunch of miles away, so I can’t just grab my car and go.

It scares me to death… But at the same time, I’ll be very disappointed if he choses to stay here because of me. And I won’t let it happen.

A porra tá lá! Eles não tiraram do site ainda! Argh!!! Tô cansada de esperar! Me dêem um feedback!!!!

Update: Liguei and I’m still on the game!!! XD